Blushing Brilliance

So remember those winter weather advisories I was talking about?

2007-01-23T18:13:00.000-06:00

They came true! But not in a fun, romp-in-the-snow sort of way...it was more of an icy, freeze-your-ass-off kind of way. They cancelled the first days of school last Tuesday and Wednesday, and this mattered to me because I work on campus, and thus my work was cancelled as well...at least on Tuesday. Wednesday the restaurant decided it would be a good idea to risk the lives of its humble employees on the treacherous thoroughfares, despite the fact that the offices of the entire city of Austin and the state government deemed it necessary to be closed. Running a restaurant is almost as important as running the state though. Oh wait, NO IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT. We had 13 guests total (4 tables), when on a normal day we have around 100. That was TOTALLY worth going in for.

But anyway, on the days prior to this abomination, I did absolutely nothing. My friends and I sat around Jaclyn's apartment and drank, played games, ate, and watched TV. They were probably the three most counter-productive days of my life, but what was I gonna do? I couldn't really GO anywhere or ACCOMPLISH anything, so drinking was really the only option. You better believe the liquor stores were still open! We called it the Lockdown, and if you were there you'd understand why I capitalized it.

So now it's back to boring life as usual, but the weather remains crappy as hell. I haven't seen the sun in days...I now understand why people in the Northwest become so depressed at this time of the year. Not that I'm depressed, but cloudy, cold weather day after day really starts to get to you. Actually, speaking of depression, I heard on NPR yesterday that January 22nd was statistically the most depressing day of the year. Hoooraaaay winter! Now is when I begin to long for the dog days of summer--the long, lazy afternoons of sitting by the pool, or floating down the Guadalupe River with a beer in hand, beneath the verdant cyprus trees lining its banks. Aaaahhh, perfection. I can't wait.

Nasty weather and the Wii Life

2007-01-13T13:38:00.000-06:00

So. It's been a while. What's up? Oh no way, really? You get right out of town. You crazy.

Alright, now that we've gotten the pleasantries out of the way, let's discuss the weather. Ha, ok, maybe we're not done with the pleasantries yet. But seriously though, I went to bed last night and started sweating in bed, so I turned on the air-conditioner because it was so humid and warm out. I wake up shivering to the sound of a downpour, with a musical tinkling sound hinting at what seemed to be freezing rain. Confused, I get up to look out the window and part the blinds slightly, but it is completely fogged over. I go to the front door, open it, and am knocked back by an icy gust and a spray of what felt like icicles. I quickly slammed the door, locked both deadbolts as if the cold might try to break in, and ran to the thermostat to turn the heat on full-blast. Winter weather advisories are in effect for the entire week. Texas weather. What the hell.

In other news, school starts on Tuesday, but guess what? I'M NOT GOING BACK. For the first time in my life, I have no books to buy, no class schedules to memorize, no buses to ride, no syllabuses (syllabi?) to throw away. Now I'm pretty weirded out by all this, and to be honest before Christmas I had no idea how I would spend my time (when I wasn't working). But then my father did possibly the best job of buying my love in our history together--he bought me a Wii. This thing is amazing. AMAZING. Though there aren't a whole hell of a lot of games out for it yet, the game it came with is enough to keep me and my friends entertained for a good long time, and I also got the new Zelda, which is enough to entertain me for a good long time.

It came with something called Wii Sports, a collection of bowling, baseball, tennis, golf, and boxing games that you play interactively with the Wii remote (or the Wiimote, if you will). Wanna box? Put your fists up and punch towards the screen. Wanna play some tennis? Swing that racket and get ready for some serious tennis elbow. Wanna bowl? Well, you get the idea. It is so much fun. The same principle works on other games--like in Zelda, you swing the remote to swing your sword. This evolution in technology is possibly the best thing since fish grew legs and Jesus fed them to the dinosaurs (or so is my understanding).

So begins 2007, the most uncertain year of my life. Freaky weather and the Wii. Let's hope it continues in this vein for a while, because I'm feeling pretty good.

Wow.

2006-12-12T18:23:00.000-06:00

Really, Laura? Really?

I'm an idiot.

I will say though that I was right, I do feel lame having posted drunk...but at least it was kinda funny. Just a little.

Have I everr made a drunk post before?

2006-12-12T00:42:00.000-06:00

Oh my god look, I spelled eveerr wrong in the title because i'm just that drunk!!! looool. I'm also going to read this tomorrow and be very ashamed that the first thing I did when I got home from drinking was to get on the internet.....and then post on my blog. Well, I'm resigned to the fact that i'm a nerd so i guess it's all good. I sang karaoke tonight! The best songs were don't stop believing, what's up (the 4 non-blondes song) and we are the champions. The karaoke place was BYOB and I chugged a bottle of champagne before we left.

OH SPEAKING OF CHUGGING CHAMPAGNE!~!! This weekend I GRADUATED. Yeah that's right, a college graduate is typing this right now. My point is, my mom bought a case of champagne for me and in one night my family and friends drank 9 OUT OF 12 BOTTLES. We are the best. My dad was wasted, and every time someone walked in the door he would say we had to do a toast, thus getting everyone else equally wasted. He's a fun drunk.

And so now I begin my depressing life of working at the UT Club full-time...I'll be in desperate need of some stimulation. Intellectual stimulation, I mean. Perverts.

Laura's Do's and Don't's of UT

2006-12-06T21:40:00.000-06:00

Well folks, looks like I made it. *Cue the song "Looks Like We Made It"* After two more days of studying and writing like crazy I'll be graduating. Graduating early, I might add. Kiss my ass, slacker friends. But anyway, in my 3 1/2 years at the world-class University of Texas I have learned some pretty cool things, most of them not having to do with book learnin' at all, but with life, love, and how to bullshit your way out of pretty much any situation you can imagine. Oh also, how to be a snarky little smartass college student who thinks she knows everything. So I thought I'd compile a quick list of some stuff that any incoming freshman should do/know/snort:

Be a liberal arts major. You can take classes on pretty much anything you could ever want to know about, and if you're really into the whole "money" thing, then be an economics major. It's way, WAY better than shitty business and you even get to keep your soul after graduation!! BONUS.
Live in the dorms at least one year. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you will become annoyed with your roommate. Yes, the community bathroom smells funny and wearing shower shoes is just plain weird. However, it's one of those quintessential, ohmygodI'mincollegelookathowridiculousmylifeis type of deals, and you'll regret it if you don't give it a shot. At the very least, when you're a sophomore it will make you appreciate your shitty, $500/month West Campus efficiency ever so much more if only because you actually have an OVEN and a bedroom with a DOOR on it.
Take a class with Professor Liebowitz. This is the funniest, most delightful little Jewish man you will ever meet. Not only that, he's the kindest professor you could ever hope for--get this, he actually CARES about his students and wants to HEAR what you have to say! It sounds crazy, I know--aren't all professors cold intellectuals who sold their sense of compassion to become tenured? Take a class with this man, and you will learn otherwise, young paduan.
Become a staff member of the Texas Travesty. Best thing I ever did in college. I had more fun with these people than is legal in 47 states, and if you're even the slightest bit funny/clever/cool/good with Photoshop you can be on staff and party like a rockstar. Don't worry, we won't bite when we interview you. And if you're not any of those listed characteristics, well just read the Travesty and live vicariously through our achingly exquisite prose.
Live on Riverside. Also known as RIVAHSAAAEEEEEDDD!!! This little corner of crime, debauchery, and taquerias is really quite delightful when you get to know it, and riding the bus to school is just one of those things you have to experience for a year or two. That bus ride is one of the things I'm really going to miss.
Buy yourself an iPod and shun your fellow man. You know that one guy in your class who was super annoying but you made nice with him because you skipped class and needed to borrow his notes? And you know how it sucks when you see him on campus and he tries to do a stop 'n' chat? Well, this situation is easily avoided with the aid of your trusty iPod! Just wave and point to your headphones if he tries to speak, and you'll never have to worry about unnecessary human interaction again! This works similarly well with West Mall solicitors. Also, you can pretend like you have your own personal soundtrack as you walk from class to class. Sweet.
Eat lots of pizza and drink lots of beer.
Don't get fat. I know I know, this one and the previous suggestion don't really seem to mesh well. Well I'm sorry but you're just going to have to figure out this delicate balance on your own, because Lord knows I can't help you out here.
Sleep around. Ok maybe don't literally "sleep around", but play the field! Have some fun. You're never going to look as good as you do RIGHT NOW (unless you got fat from eating too much pizza and drinking too much beer, idiot), so you may as well take advantage of other people who look as good as you. And by take advantage of them, I mean feed them as much of the date rape drug as you can dissolve in their drink without them tasting it and have your way with them. Kidding! The date rape drug is tasteless, so no matter how much you put in the drink they'll NEVER be able to taste it!
Bitch about everything. Gee, I hate walking through the West Mall! Stupid people trying to hand me their stupid pamphlets about their stupid organizations, GOSH. WOW, I can't believe my professors all scheduled tests on the SAME DAY! It's like they totally planned it to screw me over! MAN! Oh crap, tuition is sooo expensive! Oh my geez, I can't believe they're raising it AGAIN, even though my parents pay for it and they're the ones who are going to be in debt for the rest of their lives! UGH.
Get to know Austin. Austin is possibly the coolest city in the universe, so check it out. Drive around, try new places, find your favorite haunts. You'll thank me when you're super cool.
Procrastinate. I should be telling you NOT to procrastinate, because I'm doing it at this very moment and it is surely screwing me over big time, but you would never listen because procrastination is better than crack. So fuck it, just procrastinate and wait until the last minute for everything, because you TOTALLY work better under pressure. Or at least that's what you'll tell yourself.
Don't graduate. I mean, do graduate, but take your sweet ass time. I don't want to leave. Please. I'm so very frightened. :-(
Get friends. It's not hard, unless you're a loser. You're not a loser, are you? Loser?
Smoke weed everyday. The immortal words of Snoop Dogg and Dre need no explanation.

Well I suppose that's all I can think of right now, but believe you me I've got plenty more nuggets of solid gold wisdom in this old noggin of mine, so this list could easily be revised at any point. Peace, love, and LOOONNNGHOORRNNSSS!!!!

Stupid Thanksgiving

2006-11-26T15:54:00.000-06:00

Yeah, you heard me. I know I was preaching about the holidays in my previous post, how great they are and blah blah BLAH. But I should have mentioned that I do not really include Thanksgiving in my holiday season, except maybe as a less-than-exciting jumping-off point for December, and a time when I get a couple days off school. I went home a little early for Thanksgiving this year (the Monday before) and left early as well (Thursday night) because I had to work the football game on Friday morning. It was good to see my friend Timmy again and the rest of the boys from the Crew, since it seems like all I hang out with are a bunch of girls in Austin (which is fine, but a change of pace is good), and of course I always love hanging with my Poppet (Morgan). However, the rest of the time was spent getting my car fixed--I had to drive all the way to Fort Worth from Austin listening to headphones because my stereo was totally shot--and running various errands with my mom and brother. Thrilling.

The actual Thanksgiving Day was totally underwhelming--my brother and I made the best food there (in my opinion), which included a variety of appetizers and a pasta and cheese dish. Since we don't eat turkey (which my dad made and was apparently quite good) we only had the side dishes to choose from, which were all prepared by my grandmother. Now I'm quite sure that normal people generally think of their grandmothers' food very fondly, as a source of comfort and tradition lovingly prepared in the same delicious fashion every year. Well I and my family are far from normal, and MY particular grandmother is a little on the strange side, and certainly not the typical awesome grandmother chef-type. I swear to God every single year she tries to make something weird or different and screws it up everytime. You'd think she'd have learned by now. This year it was a bourbon sauce for the sweet potatoes, which tasted as if she'd just taken a flask of bourbon, added a bit of melted butter and brown sugar, and poured it in a gravy boat as if it was fit to be eaten. You could smell the stuff from across the table, and no one at the table wanted to pour the watery concoction on their sweet potatoes at the risk of contaminating the rest of their food with near straight alcohol. Everything else was mediocre at best, and I left tired from drinking too much wine too slowly and had to make the long drive back to Austin. The Thanksgiving dinner I had with my friends once I got back was 10 times better than my real one, thanks to Courtney, Audrey, Owen, Jaclyn, and Adam. Yay friends.

Oh I forgot to mention as well, my aunt and uncle and this particular grandmother I mentioned before all neglected to acknowledge my birthday, even through a card or simple email let alone a present of any sort. I thought maybe, just maybe, they might actually at the very least wish me a belated birthday when they actually came face to face with me, but they did not. Now I can almost forgive my aunt and uncle, because I don't speak with them all that much, but this is my GRANDMOTHER we're talking about. I know she definitely didn't forget, because she's not that old and senile yet and has acknowledged my birthday every other year of my life. I don't know WHY she didn't bother the say anything to me--she usually has weird reasons behind the weird crap she does, and I don't pretend to understand her--but it honestly hurt my feelings a little bit. She didn't even mention it, even though I wished her a happy birthday as soon as I entered the door (her birthday was Thanksgiving Day). Well, that's OK, because guess what? I also "accidentally" forgot to give her the Target gift card my mom and I got for her, and I think I might have to "accidentally" buy myself a new pair of shoes with it. My mom agreed this was justified. Don't mess with Laura.

Bitch fights and the upcoming holidays

2006-11-19T23:11:00.000-06:00

I figured I'd start the title with what is most likely to be the more interesting part of this post, at least for any male readers. Last night, I had a few people over for a small birthday celebration--apparently going downtown and getting utterly trashed on my ACTUAL birthday wasn't quite enough for me. I've always been one to make people celebrate my birthday as much as possible...if nothing else, it's a good excuse to paaaarttttyy. Ahem. So basically it was just me, Monica, Jaclyn, Kelly, Tara, Jen, Owen and Jeff (with brief appearances by Richard, Rebecca, James, and John) hanging out, drinking, playing games...the usual Saturday night activities. I was content to keep this up as long as possible, and was trying my best not to drink too much and pass out early, because that's just being a bad hostess. Jaclyn, however, did not have such foresight, and was dangerously close to falling asleep on my bed far before the night's festivities were even close to being over. So, like any good friends, Owen and I went in to kick her lame ass out of bed and make her drink more. Jaclyn was feeling particularly feisty, and when I jumped on my bed she decided to attempt to wrestle me off. Now, I was not expecting this, and she succeeded the first time--eliciting a long OOOOHHHHHH from Owen, and inciting me to further violence, because I was already in the mindset that nobody beats Laura at ANYTHING. Soon Jaclyn and I were wrapped up in a tangle not unlike the Tasmanian Devil when he really gets going, screeching and laughing and pulling at hair and clothes. The next thing I knew we were both on the floor, rolling around and laughing our asses off. Don't worry, no one was harmed in this pathetic attempt at a throwdown...I don't even think I got any scratches or hair pulled out. The funniest part was that Owen just stood in the doorway the whole time with a totally dumbfounded look on his face, unsure of what to do but also thoroughly enjoying himself. When we seemed done he immediately exclaimed "That was AWESOME!!!" Haha, glad we could offer you some entertainment, Owen.

And now for the holidays. I'll just get right to it--I am a TOTAL sucker for Christmas. I love the songs, the decorations, the lights, the idea of having the "Christmas spirit", and even the rampant consumerism and forgetfulness of the actual meaning of the holiday. It's all just a lovely melange of good feelings and stupid traditions, and I fall for it every year. So yes, I've already got my little multi-colored fiber optic tree up in my apartment, and I even bought some pretty iridescent lights and hung them up around my living room window. I'm sitting beneath them right now, and just glancing at them makes me smile; I can't wait to drive around after Thanksgiving, drink hot toddies and look at Christmas lights. Last night, in one of the more hilarious moments, Owen and I discovered our mutual appreciation for cheesy Christmas carols, and I brought out my laptop and blasted such classics as Home for the Holidays, Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, and The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, and we both knew all the lyrics and sang along like idiots--it was magical. I almost wish someone had called in a noise complaint so we could have been busted for excessive Christmas spirit--it would have been well worth it, and of course we wouldn't have had to pay the fine due to some sudden whimsical Christmas miracle.

Happy holidays everybody, and I highly recommend that you try and spread a little of that cheer if possible. It's good for the heart.

And now for something completely different

2006-11-15T22:18:00.000-06:00

This is just a random exercise in creative writing since I couldn't get into that class this semester. Bear with me, and sorry if it sucks. I think it's kinda cool, though.

Driving to work was always a time for reflection and enthused sing-alongs, when she would croon with her favorite bands and imagine she had a halfway-decent singing voice, losing herself in a fantasy world of rock and roll stardom. Occasionally she spared a thought for those in the cars around her, wondering if they noticed her mid-song—mouth shaped into a perfect O and brow furrowed in an emotional cry—but this line of thought never went far and always ended with her lips curving into a smile, defying the other drivers to judge her. A certain song that always inspired a desire to smoke was next on her iPod, and she began fishing through her purse for her pink and white lighter and menthol cigarettes. She rolled her window down a crack, letting in a quick gust of cool fall air and grasped the cigarette between her lips. Quickly taking her eyes off the road she lit up, blowing out a thin plume of blue-grey smoke through her plump, puckered mouth. Though she never truly relished or craved smoking as much as her friends did, she had to admit the cigarette was calming, and the lingering taste of mint from the menthol was pleasant on the back of her tongue. She would quit soon, but not just yet. She drove along only half-conscious of her surroundings—she was so used to this route, she could follow it in her sleep. However, today as she climbed a hill nearby to her intended destination she was presented with an unexpectedly beautiful sight—the downtown skyline. Normally she saw it as a simple collection of glass, concrete, and brick; a haven for bankers and cubicle-dwellers going about their mundane business dealings, a representation of a life she never wanted to lead. But today, she crested a hill just as the sun was on that particular point of its descent when the rosy-gold rays of early evening glinted off of the glass buildings, creating a surreal beauty that emanated from the urban jungle. The rapidly fading blue sky created a bright, crisp background, with only a few wispy mares’ tail clouds gracefully dusting the stratosphere in soft hues of pink and silver. In the dusky half-light she was momentarily dazzled, her dark brown eyes appearing slightly golden against the glow as she took a sharp intake of the cold air and felt a surge of delight and inspiration. She allowed herself to temporarily forget her normally bitter view of all things corporate, and felt a new love and appreciation for her city. Though this short-lived burst of joy would soon be dashed upon entering into the drab parking garage opposite her workplace and preparing for reality, she smiled once more and decided that sudden, simple moments such as these, free from care and filled with unexpected beauty, were what she needed every once in a while to make the constant weight of her obligations seem temporarily lighter than a feather.

There's a first time for everything...

2006-11-13T18:11:00.000-06:00

Today, I was the object of a ban from the property of an apartment complex. The cause was, of course, the values I pride myself most highly on--my stubbornness and extreme smart-ass-ity. I was long due to get in trouble by way of these values, as I like to think of them, so allow me to elaborate.

Last night, I left my laptop at the Texas Travesty office in my tired and strung-out state, so I called my friend Stephen who was still there and asked him to take it with him so I could pick it up today from his apartment. The Texas Travesty, by the way, is the humor publication of the University of Texas that I write for, and it's really a wholesome, family-friendly (read: raunchy and occasionally offensive) but hilarious read so you should check it out: www.texastravesty.com . The new issue should be up online soon, along with my sappy goodbye column.

ANYWAY, today I get home from school and head over to Stephen's to pick up my computer. I get there, park wherever I happen to see a spot, and proceed to jog up the steps, knowing I'll only be a minute. Suddenly I hear a gruff twang call out behind me--" 'Scuse me ma'am, you visitin' someone?" I stopped mid-step, turned to the source of the voice and am confronted by a tall drink of scrawny white trash, complete with missing teeth (the ones remaining appeared to be fast-rotting from his head), Bill Lumberg-style glasses, and a stained white t-shirt. We'll call him Bubba. I paused, my glance flitting towards my car, which happened to be right next to 3 spaces marked "Guest parking".

Already assuming what Bubba was so eloquently inquiring about, I quickly answered "Oh, yeah--but I'll be right back, I just need to run upstairs and pick something up. Give me two minutes." I put a foot on the next step, at which point Bubba puts his back up. "Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to move your car to guest parking. Rules are rules."

How to reply to this? I knew I had several options here, so I took a second to size old Bubba up and decided that yes, it almost certainly would be the crowning achievement of this man's day to be able to call a tow truck because some young firebrand decided to give him guff. Well, I was tired and didn't feel like moving my car for literally a 2 minute trip so I responded with a half-smile and asked "What are you going to do, call the fastest tow-truck ever?"

Now I see a fire enter Bubba's watery blue eyes, and he responds. "NOW LISTEN MISSY, What if everyone ignored the rules and just parked wherever they wanted??" To which I raised my eyebrows, shrugged, and assured him that I didn't know, but I'd be right back. Bubba went on: "I'm gonna ask you one more time, MOVE THAT CAR."

At this point I'm sick of the sound of this inbred hick, and a devious thought enters my head. I smile, incline my head, and politely agree to move it. He immediately gets a satisfied, that's-more-like-it look on his slack, stupid face and nods, and I walk over to my car. I proceed to move it into the guest-parking spots--across all 3 of them, in fact.

I hop out of my car, nonchalantly passing him by, at which point Bubba is madder than a hornet. "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??" he spat, his hands balled into fists and his eye twitching vigorously. "That's me moving my car in guest parking," I said matter-of-factly, as I made my way up the stairs towards Stephen's apartment. "WHO ARE YOU VISITING?" he shouts. Now it's only at this point that I realize that my actions might possibly get Stephen in trouble (or at least give Bubba an excuse to give him hell), so I began skipping up the steps a little quicker and called out behind me "I'll be right back!"

As I reach the top I hear Bubba roar, "I'M CALLING A TOW TRUCK!!!" Alright Bubba, let's see that tow truck get here in less than a minute, because that's how long it's going to take me to get my laptop. I get to Stephen's and admit that his manager might be a little upset with me and I need to hurry, but I'll fill him in later. I get back downstairs and Bubba is still on the phone with the tow company--I told you, you moron.

As soon as he spots me, he puts the phone down, almost visibly shaking with totally unnecessary rage. In a punctuated, deliberate tone he lets me know that "If I EVER find your car on this property again, I'm havin' it towed, even if it's in guest parkin'!" I laugh and shake my head, simply saying "Alright man, see you later." This sends him off the edge, and in an awkward Tourettes-style outburst he screams "AND YOU'RE BANNED FROM THE PROPERTY!!!" Hah, sweet. Later Bubba. I jump in my car and drive off, and call Stephen and let him know what went down. He laughs and confirms that Bubba is a huge dick, and commends my smart-ass move.

Sorry Stephen! I hope I don't get you in trouble. But damn, that felt good.

An early birthday present

2006-11-08T18:10:00.000-06:00

Though my birthday isn't for another 6 days, I got an early present today--remember that paper I pulled an all-nighter in order to finish? The giant one which could be described as the culmination of my undergraduate career? I GOT AN A ON IT!! Well, OK...specifically the grade said A-/B+, but I'm leaning towards the A end of that spectrum, and I'm happier than Hillary Clinton now that there's a democratic majority in the house. Despite putting it off quite a bit, and probably not putting as much thought into it as I should have, my professor deemed it "quite a good paper in most respects." ....Alright, so that's not exactly a glowing assessment, but come on, this was only my first draft, LAY OFF.

So, I mentioned the fact that there is now a democratic majority in the house, and POSSIBLY the senate, which is also an early birthday present. FINALLY. Now let's just hope those idiots don't nit-pick about stupid unimportant crap and get to improving healthcare and the environment, like good democrats should. I'm mostly glad that the republican senator from Montana was ousted, because if he hadn't been, I would have lost all faith in democracy (again). He was involved in more scandals than...well than someone who is always chest-deep in scandalous things. I'm not very good at witty comparisons. Also, let's not forget that he's an utterly brainless windbag...the fact that the race was so close just reinforces my view of Montana-ans (Montanians? Montanies? Stupid fucking hicks?) as not exactly the brightest bunch of registered voters in the country. BUT, they made the right decision, so good for them. You get a cookie from me, Montana--let's hope your east-coast friend Virginia will follow your example and do the right thing.

WOW, I think I just lapsed into light political blogging for a moment. Maybe CNN will run a feature on me..."Aaaww look," they'll say, "she thinks her opinion matters. Cute."

This is how we do it

2006-11-04T00:06:00.000-06:00

It's friday night, the party's here on the west side. OK, not really, that's just a Montell Jordan lyric that makes me happy about weekends. But in actuality the party is NOT on the west side, it's on the NORTHwest side, and is only a party if you consider me sitting in my apartment by myself drinking a glass of wine to be a "party". Unfortunately I did too much REAL partying this week (tuesday, wednesday, AND thursday night...yeah) and now I'm beyond tired, after having gone to school from 10am-2pm and worked from 3pm-11:30pm. I needed the week off though...last week almost killed me, and not in a good, "got too drunk and passed out" kind of way. Soooo anyway...Just thought I'd check in and write some nonsense while I'm still able to keep my eyes open and before I head to Fort Worth tomorrow for my friends' wedding. That still sounds weird to me, to say that my friends who I went to high school with are actually getting married...I mean, they already have a kid so it's not like this is really a surprise, but I don't know. I guess it just makes me feel like an adult or something, which I'm wholly unprepared to be. I mean for Chrissakes, I just talked about how I like, totally partied and got wasted EVERY DAY this week, dude. How collegiate of me. But anyway, I'm still excited, it should be a good time and will be fun to see all my old friends together and all dolled up. Plus I get to wear my new dress! Yay.

Things I've learned today

2006-10-30T13:18:00.000-06:00

I'll make this short and sweet:

1)Doing crunches after one has neglected them for a long period of time leads to a sore feeling in the abdominal area. Go figure.

2)Missing my morning dose of caffeine which I have unexpectedly become addicted to right under my own nose makes me come dangerously close to falling asleep in class.

3) Eating meat is really, really gross. Now, just take a minute and hear me out here. The meat industry in this country is SERIOUSLY under-regulated. They get away with any goddamn thing they want. I don't want to get preachy here but please just trust me...my medical geography class has reinforced my opinions and opened my eyes to the utterly foul practices in meat production. Hey, let's play some quick trivia!! How many rat hairs and insect pieces are allowed per shipment of processed meat products? Answer: if the question is HOW MANY are allowed and not ARE ANY allowed, the answer is TOO FUCKING MANY. Next question: What law did George Dubya wish to repeal in order to save money for the influential meat industry lobbyists? Answer: The law which required Salmonella testing for SCHOOL LUNCH MEAT. Aw, screw those kids, the meat industry wants to save a couple million bucks this year!!

Anyway. Off my soapbox now.

4) I shouldn't have come to my China History class today. It's the day after the test, and we're having stupid presentations, and guess what I'm doing. Yep...writing this.

OK, maybe that wasn't as short as I'd hoped, but it's used up a good chunk of my time which otherwise would have been spent dozing off or reading somethingawful.com, so that's good. OK. Bye.

My first all-nighter and the damage done

2006-10-29T17:01:00.000-06:00

So that last post I made was probably about 2 hours before I started going totally insane, and ended up pulling my first ever all-nighter for school purposes. My paper turned out to be 25 pages (the maximum amount it could be). "18 page minimum??", I must have thought to myself unconsciously, "Why, that's not nearly enough to show how smart I am! I can't wait to write even MORE and stay up ALL NIGHT LONG!!!" Sigh. I am an idiot. But I finished, and that's a huuuuuge weight off of my shoulders. I am by no means done with work in general for the semester...no, I've got my fair share left, what with my crazy medical geography professor (who inexplicably HATES trees) handing out reading and quizzes like candy on Halloween, and everything else. It's ok though. One day at a time. So anyway, this weekend was all about sleep and doing nothing, with a bit of work thrown in. But after the school-intensive week I had work was a blessing--you see, I don't have to think at work. Thursday Jaclyn and I went downtown with Owen and his friends for his roommate's birthday, and I stayed out way too late (once again, I am an idiot). So, Friday I did nothing and went to bed around 11:30, getting a much-needed and well-deserved 12 full hours of sleep. Saturday night Monica, Lindsay, Jaclyn and I just hung out at Owen's drinking, and had a shot when the clock turned over to one o'clock for a second time. Yay for the end of daylight savings and an extra hour of sleep!!! And now I plan to continue to spend my lazy Sunday (song lyric courtesy of Stars™) on the couch, and maybe take a shower because I am in dire need. Yuck. In closing I leave you with one of the introductory paragraphs to my history paper (the introduction was 3 pages long....yeeeeah) which I think sounds remarkably like the beginning of a Star Wars movie. I didn't mean to do it, I swear.

This sense of restlessness and fear was worsened by the state of the Church, the one institution that had always been seen as a model of constancy in Medieval Europe. In the mid-eleventh century, a schism occurred in the papacy and higher levels of the church. This led to a string of antipopes and multiple splinter groups, some negligible and some quite powerful, which caused further turmoil on the continent. Meanwhile, in the East, the powerful Islamic force of the Seljuk Turks was advancing on the Byzantine Empire, the eastern realm of Christianity. This threatening force was slowly but surely encroaching into Byzantine territory, causing mounting tensions for Emperor Alexius I and the Eastern Christians. In 1095, Alexius called upon his fellow Christian rulers in the West for support against the “heathen” Saracens. Thus the scene was set for Pope Urban II, who saw in this cry for help an opportunity to once again unite East and West under the Vatican’s supreme authority, and heal the 40-year schism the Church had been suffering through.

A few random thoughts on my break....

2006-10-24T20:46:00.000-05:00

All day long today I've been type-type-typing away on my little Apple, trying to complete my 20 page paper on a primary source from the First Crusade which is due at 3pm tomorrow (approx. 18 hours away and counting). I'm on page 11, which I figured was a good enough stopping point, seeing as I've got all night to finish up and I'm already pretty sure I'm going to go over the 20 page limit, so there will be no need to scrounge for more to say--just edit and shorten. I'm long-winded, to say the least, as this blog has probably begun to prove. So anyway, I'd like to take a moment and just discuss with you the wonders of a little drug I like to call Adderall. Ah, Adderall, the mere mention of this teeny orange delight enlarges my pupils and sets my brain to work. Adderall, when you get right down to it, is legalized speed, and boy does it work miracles when you're in crunch time. It has literally made me WANT to do work...when I take a small break to do something frivolous like look out the window or go to the bathroom or, you know, eat, I immediately wonder why I'm not writing about Fulcher of Chartres' point of view on the Battle of Antioch (or the like). Writing this blog entry right now is only acceptable because I am actually typing something, and thinking about what to say. As long as I'm typing, reading, or thinking about something, I'm OK. It also puts me in a pretty good mood, which is great, although the thought of coming down tomorrow worries me a little. I suppose that could be a downside, along with the excessive sweating which seems to be taking place under my arms for some reason. Well, I guess now I understand why speed addicts get so much done. Or do they? I'm not sure, I don't know any speed addicts. Just Adderall addicts.

On another note, my shower is a tool of the devil. Those of you have attempted to use it will know that there is absolutely NO happy medium in the temperature spectrum. You either feel as if you're on the surface of the sun or you're being pelted with icicles. And this is not just at peak usage times...I just got done taking a shower at 7pm, and I could not get the temperature right. Now last I checked, 7pm was certainly NOT prime shower-taking time. Prime dinner-eating time? Sure. Prime Daily Show rerun-watching time? Of course! But prime showering time? Absolutely not. This is the excuse, however, that my apartment managers have given to me in the past. "Oh gee, I bet you just shower at the same time as everyone else, too bad, nothing we can do! Hope you don't turn up boiled like a lobster in your own tub!"

Lastly, this 20 page paper is pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. The problem is, no one who I care about will ever actually want to read it, considering I'm the only one I know interested in the First Crusade and the writers of the Middle Ages. Well, that's not entirely true, but I know that none of my friends are going to want to read 20 pages they're not required to by school or some other life-determining force. Alas. And so, on that note, it's back to work I go. Watch out Raymond of Aguilers, here I come.

Duuuuude I got soooooo wasted this weekend....

2006-10-22T23:41:00.000-05:00

If I never hear that phrase uttered again by some brainless frat boy sitting behind me in class I could die happy....but I did get wasted this weekend, and it is a pretty good story, so I'm gonna go ahead and tell you guys about it (You guys? Who am I talking to? WHATEVER). Soooo, let's get this thing started. Friday, Morgan (best friend ever) came into town, which I had been looking forward to for a while. Friday night we ended up just staying in, which doesn't sound like much fun, but had you been there you would have gotten it. Or maybe not--that was the debate of the night, which of our friends would get it and which wouldn't. This is vague and pretty uninteresting unless you know what I'm talking about, so I'll move on. Saturday night was Jaclyn's big 21st birthday bash at our apartment, which ended up being totally crazy. People sort of trickled in, but by the time the party got really underway I, Monica, Jaclyn, Lindsay and Morgan were all wasted already. By 1am or so our apartment was practically bursting with people, the drinks were flowing and the fun really began. Oh, I forgot to mention that it was a costume party, which just made it all the more fun....the prize for best costume in my opinion either goes to John, who was a French maid (complete with nappy wig, lacy thigh highs, and unnecessarily long eyelashes) or Owen, who was Quailman (remember Doug, the cartoon? He even wore his whitey-tighties outside his pants, tee hee!). The prize for most inappropriate costume goes to Ellis, who was AIDS (don't ask) and the prize for most historically accurate costume goes to Terah and her boyfriend, who were the Rosenbergs. I was Carmen Miranda (AKA the Chiquita banana lady) and boy did I look retarded. Hot of course, but retarded. A pile of fruit on the head doesn't exactly scream class and sophistication. Probably the weirdest occurrence of the whole night was when Ellis decided it would be a good idea to drag John in his French maid get-up all the way down to Far West (a few blocks down from my apartment) in the middle of the party to try and see if he could prostitute him out. John was none too thrilled by the idea but went along with it for some time, until he got sick of it and drunkenly started running back to the apartment. On his way he fell off the sidewalk and slammed into the street, badly scraping up his face, knees and shoulder. Ellis came in and asked for some alcohol for John, to which I replied that there was a bucket full of trashcan punch in the kitchen. He meant rubbing alcohol, obviously. Doh. The morning after was almost as much fun as the party, minus the massive clean up. I love waking up when people sleep over after a party, and everyone is still drunk and just acting silly. Jaclyn, John, Morgan, Monica, and Owen were all here and as we cleaned I laughed and laughed about everything. However, it was the messiest scene I've ever witnessed, I think our apartment could have literally qualified for federal aid. We wet-swiffered 3 times, and the floor is still sticky. Oh, I forgot to mention the fact that for the last 2 hours of the party I was violently puking...stupid jello shots. But that makes me feel like a wimp, so forget I said anything. I still had a ton of fun and it was all worth it. Yay parties!!!!

School and work make Laura something something...

2006-10-22T23:28:00.000-05:00

Go fucking insane? Don't mind if I do!! Yeah. 20 page paper due on Wednesday, and I haven't started writing yet. I mean, I've got it outlined and stuff. That's good, right? I'm more stressed now than I've ever been at any other time in my life, and it's starting to get to me. I can't drink coffee anymore, I guess I overdosed and now it gives me an upset stomach and terrible jitters. I get heartburn when I eat/drink too much acidic stuff. I am sleepy alot, and more irritable. I cry at random times. Well, not so much the last one, but I often FEEL like crying. Man, I just made my life sound really shitty right now. It's not really...I still have fun with my friends and I always try and look on the bright side of things, whenever possible. I just start whistling the song from the end of Life of Brian and my problems seem to float away. But really, in all seriousness, music does help a lot, whether it acts as a cathartic thing (Sigur Ros) or an empowering thing (Rilo Kiley) or a fuck it all, let's just rock thing (Pumpkins). That's why it sucks pretty hard that my shitty shitty iPod decided to erase all of my songs from itself today. More like iDouchebag!! Aw, that wasn't funny. I need to stop now, and write about the First Crusade. PEACE OUT.

Oscillating

2006-10-17T16:36:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about the word "oscillate" a lot lately (yeah, I know, shut up), and how it's basically just taking up unnecessary space in our dictionaries. First of all, it's far too complicated-sounding for what it means--a back and forth motion. Secondly, it's only ever used in reference to ONE thing--a fan. Have you ever, EVER used "oscillating" to describe anything except a fan? I'll answer for you: no. never. never ever. So, I advocate a total removal of the word oscillate from all fan packages (because that's the only place it's used), to be replaced by the phrase "this thing moves back and forth, unless you don't want it to in which case you can turn off the back and forth function". problem solved.

Hey, I promised you pointless thoughts, and I've delivered, no?

Hey, look at me! I'm a BLOGGER.

2006-10-16T23:23:00.000-05:00

So, this is weird. I never thought I'd get caught up in the exciting world of typing out my pointless thoughts on a website for everyone out in cyberspace to not care about. I feel like the blog name accurately portrays me in every aspect though, so that's good. Plus it's a Smashing Pumpkins lyric, which is dandy. By the way, I use hyperbolic expressions of self-praise in the hopes that maybe--just maybe--someone will eventually agree with me, raising my self-esteem to uncharted heights. Tee hee!