So remember those winter weather advisories I was talking about?

They came true! But not in a fun, romp-in-the-snow sort of way...it was more of an icy, freeze-your-ass-off kind of way. They cancelled the first days of school last Tuesday and Wednesday, and this mattered to me because I work on campus, and thus my work was cancelled as well...at least on Tuesday. Wednesday the restaurant decided it would be a good idea to risk the lives of its humble employees on the treacherous thoroughfares, despite the fact that the offices of the entire city of Austin and the state government deemed it necessary to be closed. Running a restaurant is almost as important as running the state though. Oh wait, NO IT ABSOLUTELY IS NOT. We had 13 guests total (4 tables), when on a normal day we have around 100. That was TOTALLY worth going in for.

But anyway, on the days prior to this abomination, I did absolutely nothing. My friends and I sat around Jaclyn's apartment and drank, played games, ate, and watched TV. They were probably the three most counter-productive days of my life, but what was I gonna do? I couldn't really GO anywhere or ACCOMPLISH anything, so drinking was really the only option. You better believe the liquor stores were still open! We called it the Lockdown, and if you were there you'd understand why I capitalized it.

So now it's back to boring life as usual, but the weather remains crappy as hell. I haven't seen the sun in days...I now understand why people in the Northwest become so depressed at this time of the year. Not that I'm depressed, but cloudy, cold weather day after day really starts to get to you. Actually, speaking of depression, I heard on NPR yesterday that January 22nd was statistically the most depressing day of the year. Hoooraaaay winter! Now is when I begin to long for the dog days of summer--the long, lazy afternoons of sitting by the pool, or floating down the Guadalupe River with a beer in hand, beneath the verdant cyprus trees lining its banks. Aaaahhh, perfection. I can't wait.

Nasty weather and the Wii Life

So. It's been a while. What's up? Oh no way, really? You get right out of town. You crazy.

Alright, now that we've gotten the pleasantries out of the way, let's discuss the weather. Ha, ok, maybe we're not done with the pleasantries yet. But seriously though, I went to bed last night and started sweating in bed, so I turned on the air-conditioner because it was so humid and warm out. I wake up shivering to the sound of a downpour, with a musical tinkling sound hinting at what seemed to be freezing rain. Confused, I get up to look out the window and part the blinds slightly, but it is completely fogged over. I go to the front door, open it, and am knocked back by an icy gust and a spray of what felt like icicles. I quickly slammed the door, locked both deadbolts as if the cold might try to break in, and ran to the thermostat to turn the heat on full-blast. Winter weather advisories are in effect for the entire week. Texas weather. What the hell.

In other news, school starts on Tuesday, but guess what? I'M NOT GOING BACK. For the first time in my life, I have no books to buy, no class schedules to memorize, no buses to ride, no syllabuses (syllabi?) to throw away. Now I'm pretty weirded out by all this, and to be honest before Christmas I had no idea how I would spend my time (when I wasn't working). But then my father did possibly the best job of buying my love in our history together--he bought me a Wii. This thing is amazing. AMAZING. Though there aren't a whole hell of a lot of games out for it yet, the game it came with is enough to keep me and my friends entertained for a good long time, and I also got the new Zelda, which is enough to entertain me for a good long time.

It came with something called Wii Sports, a collection of bowling, baseball, tennis, golf, and boxing games that you play interactively with the Wii remote (or the Wiimote, if you will). Wanna box? Put your fists up and punch towards the screen. Wanna play some tennis? Swing that racket and get ready for some serious tennis elbow. Wanna bowl? Well, you get the idea. It is so much fun. The same principle works on other games--like in Zelda, you swing the remote to swing your sword. This evolution in technology is possibly the best thing since fish grew legs and Jesus fed them to the dinosaurs (or so is my understanding).

So begins 2007, the most uncertain year of my life. Freaky weather and the Wii. Let's hope it continues in this vein for a while, because I'm feeling pretty good.

Wow.

Really, Laura? Really?

I'm an idiot.

I will say though that I was right, I do feel lame having posted drunk...but at least it was kinda funny. Just a little.

Have I everr made a drunk post before?

Oh my god look, I spelled eveerr wrong in the title because i'm just that drunk!!! looool. I'm also going to read this tomorrow and be very ashamed that the first thing I did when I got home from drinking was to get on the internet.....and then post on my blog. Well, I'm resigned to the fact that i'm a nerd so i guess it's all good. I sang karaoke tonight! The best songs were don't stop believing, what's up (the 4 non-blondes song) and we are the champions. The karaoke place was BYOB and I chugged a bottle of champagne before we left.

OH SPEAKING OF CHUGGING CHAMPAGNE!~!! This weekend I GRADUATED. Yeah that's right, a college graduate is typing this right now. My point is, my mom bought a case of champagne for me and in one night my family and friends drank 9 OUT OF 12 BOTTLES. We are the best. My dad was wasted, and every time someone walked in the door he would say we had to do a toast, thus getting everyone else equally wasted. He's a fun drunk.

And so now I begin my depressing life of working at the UT Club full-time...I'll be in desperate need of some stimulation. Intellectual stimulation, I mean. Perverts.

Laura's Do's and Don't's of UT

Well folks, looks like I made it. *Cue the song "Looks Like We Made It"* After two more days of studying and writing like crazy I'll be graduating. Graduating early, I might add. Kiss my ass, slacker friends. But anyway, in my 3 1/2 years at the world-class University of Texas I have learned some pretty cool things, most of them not having to do with book learnin' at all, but with life, love, and how to bullshit your way out of pretty much any situation you can imagine. Oh also, how to be a snarky little smartass college student who thinks she knows everything. So I thought I'd compile a quick list of some stuff that any incoming freshman should do/know/snort:

• Be a liberal arts major. You can take classes on pretty much anything you could ever want to know about, and if you're really into the whole "money" thing, then be an economics major. It's way, WAY better than shitty business and you even get to keep your soul after graduation!! BONUS.
  
• Live in the dorms at least one year. Yes, it sucks. Yes, you will become annoyed with your roommate. Yes, the community bathroom smells funny and wearing shower shoes is just plain weird. However, it's one of those quintessential, ohmygodI'mincollegelookathowridiculousmylifeis type of deals, and you'll regret it if you don't give it a shot. At the very least, when you're a sophomore it will make you appreciate your shitty, $500/month West Campus efficiency ever so much more if only because you actually have an OVEN and a bedroom with a DOOR on it.
  
• Take a class with Professor Liebowitz. This is the funniest, most delightful little Jewish man you will ever meet. Not only that, he's the kindest professor you could ever hope for--get this, he actually CARES about his students and wants to HEAR what you have to say! It sounds crazy, I know--aren't all professors cold intellectuals who sold their sense of compassion to become tenured? Take a class with this man, and you will learn otherwise, young paduan.
• Become a staff member of the Texas Travesty. Best thing I ever did in college. I had more fun with these people than is legal in 47 states, and if you're even the slightest bit funny/clever/cool/good with Photoshop you can be on staff and party like a rockstar. Don't worry, we won't bite when we interview you. And if you're not any of those listed characteristics, well just read the Travesty and live vicariously through our achingly exquisite prose.
• Live on Riverside. Also known as RIVAHSAAAEEEEEDDD!!! This little corner of crime, debauchery, and taquerias is really quite delightful when you get to know it, and riding the bus to school is just one of those things you have to experience for a year or two. That bus ride is one of the things I'm really going to miss.
• Buy yourself an iPod and shun your fellow man. You know that one guy in your class who was super annoying but you made nice with him because you skipped class and needed to borrow his notes? And you know how it sucks when you see him on campus and he tries to do a stop 'n' chat? Well, this situation is easily avoided with the aid of your trusty iPod! Just wave and point to your headphones if he tries to speak, and you'll never have to worry about unnecessary human interaction again! This works similarly well with West Mall solicitors. Also, you can pretend like you have your own personal soundtrack as you walk from class to class. Sweet.
  
• Eat lots of pizza and drink lots of beer.
  
• Don't get fat. I know I know, this one and the previous suggestion don't really seem to mesh well. Well I'm sorry but you're just going to have to figure out this delicate balance on your own, because Lord knows I can't help you out here.
• Sleep around. Ok maybe don't literally "sleep around", but play the field! Have some fun. You're never going to look as good as you do RIGHT NOW (unless you got fat from eating too much pizza and drinking too much beer, idiot), so you may as well take advantage of other people who look as good as you. And by take advantage of them, I mean feed them as much of the date rape drug as you can dissolve in their drink without them tasting it and have your way with them. Kidding! The date rape drug is tasteless, so no matter how much you put in the drink they'll NEVER be able to taste it!
  
• Bitch about everything. Gee, I hate walking through the West Mall! Stupid people trying to hand me their stupid pamphlets about their stupid organizations, GOSH. WOW, I can't believe my professors all scheduled tests on the SAME DAY! It's like they totally planned it to screw me over! MAN! Oh crap, tuition is sooo expensive! Oh my geez, I can't believe they're raising it AGAIN, even though my parents pay for it and they're the ones who are going to be in debt for the rest of their lives! UGH.
• Get to know Austin. Austin is possibly the coolest city in the universe, so check it out. Drive around, try new places, find your favorite haunts. You'll thank me when you're super cool.
  
• Procrastinate. I should be telling you NOT to procrastinate, because I'm doing it at this very moment and it is surely screwing me over big time, but you would never listen because procrastination is better than crack. So fuck it, just procrastinate and wait until the last minute for everything, because you TOTALLY work better under pressure. Or at least that's what you'll tell yourself.
• Don't graduate. I mean, do graduate, but take your sweet ass time. I don't want to leave. Please. I'm so very frightened. :-(
  
• Get friends. It's not hard, unless you're a loser. You're not a loser, are you? Loser?
• Smoke weed everyday. The immortal words of Snoop Dogg and Dre need no explanation.

Well I suppose that's all I can think of right now, but believe you me I've got plenty more nuggets of solid gold wisdom in this old noggin of mine, so this list could easily be revised at any point. Peace, love, and LOOONNNGHOORRNNSSS!!!!

Stupid Thanksgiving

Yeah, you heard me. I know I was preaching about the holidays in my previous post, how great they are and blah blah BLAH. But I should have mentioned that I do not really include Thanksgiving in my holiday season, except maybe as a less-than-exciting jumping-off point for December, and a time when I get a couple days off school. I went home a little early for Thanksgiving this year (the Monday before) and left early as well (Thursday night) because I had to work the football game on Friday morning. It was good to see my friend Timmy again and the rest of the boys from the Crew, since it seems like all I hang out with are a bunch of girls in Austin (which is fine, but a change of pace is good), and of course I always love hanging with my Poppet (Morgan). However, the rest of the time was spent getting my car fixed--I had to drive all the way to Fort Worth from Austin listening to headphones because my stereo was totally shot--and running various errands with my mom and brother. Thrilling.

The actual Thanksgiving Day was totally underwhelming--my brother and I made the best food there (in my opinion), which included a variety of appetizers and a pasta and cheese dish. Since we don't eat turkey (which my dad made and was apparently quite good) we only had the side dishes to choose from, which were all prepared by my grandmother. Now I'm quite sure that normal people generally think of their grandmothers' food very fondly, as a source of comfort and tradition lovingly prepared in the same delicious fashion every year. Well I and my family are far from normal, and MY particular grandmother is a little on the strange side, and certainly not the typical awesome grandmother chef-type. I swear to God every single year she tries to make something weird or different and screws it up everytime. You'd think she'd have learned by now. This year it was a bourbon sauce for the sweet potatoes, which tasted as if she'd just taken a flask of bourbon, added a bit of melted butter and brown sugar, and poured it in a gravy boat as if it was fit to be eaten. You could smell the stuff from across the table, and no one at the table wanted to pour the watery concoction on their sweet potatoes at the risk of contaminating the rest of their food with near straight alcohol. Everything else was mediocre at best, and I left tired from drinking too much wine too slowly and had to make the long drive back to Austin. The Thanksgiving dinner I had with my friends once I got back was 10 times better than my real one, thanks to Courtney, Audrey, Owen, Jaclyn, and Adam. Yay friends.

Oh I forgot to mention as well, my aunt and uncle and this particular grandmother I mentioned before all neglected to acknowledge my birthday, even through a card or simple email let alone a present of any sort. I thought maybe, just maybe, they might actually at the very least wish me a belated birthday when they actually came face to face with me, but they did not. Now I can almost forgive my aunt and uncle, because I don't speak with them all that much, but this is my GRANDMOTHER we're talking about. I know she definitely didn't forget, because she's not that old and senile yet and has acknowledged my birthday every other year of my life. I don't know WHY she didn't bother the say anything to me--she usually has weird reasons behind the weird crap she does, and I don't pretend to understand her--but it honestly hurt my feelings a little bit. She didn't even mention it, even though I wished her a happy birthday as soon as I entered the door (her birthday was Thanksgiving Day). Well, that's OK, because guess what? I also "accidentally" forgot to give her the Target gift card my mom and I got for her, and I think I might have to "accidentally" buy myself a new pair of shoes with it. My mom agreed this was justified. Don't mess with Laura.

Bitch fights and the upcoming holidays

I figured I'd start the title with what is most likely to be the more interesting part of this post, at least for any male readers. Last night, I had a few people over for a small birthday celebration--apparently going downtown and getting utterly trashed on my ACTUAL birthday wasn't quite enough for me. I've always been one to make people celebrate my birthday as much as possible...if nothing else, it's a good excuse to paaaarttttyy. Ahem. So basically it was just me, Monica, Jaclyn, Kelly, Tara, Jen, Owen and Jeff (with brief appearances by Richard, Rebecca, James, and John) hanging out, drinking, playing games...the usual Saturday night activities. I was content to keep this up as long as possible, and was trying my best not to drink too much and pass out early, because that's just being a bad hostess. Jaclyn, however, did not have such foresight, and was dangerously close to falling asleep on my bed far before the night's festivities were even close to being over. So, like any good friends, Owen and I went in to kick her lame ass out of bed and make her drink more. Jaclyn was feeling particularly feisty, and when I jumped on my bed she decided to attempt to wrestle me off. Now, I was not expecting this, and she succeeded the first time--eliciting a long OOOOHHHHHH from Owen, and inciting me to further violence, because I was already in the mindset that nobody beats Laura at ANYTHING. Soon Jaclyn and I were wrapped up in a tangle not unlike the Tasmanian Devil when he really gets going, screeching and laughing and pulling at hair and clothes. The next thing I knew we were both on the floor, rolling around and laughing our asses off. Don't worry, no one was harmed in this pathetic attempt at a throwdown...I don't even think I got any scratches or hair pulled out. The funniest part was that Owen just stood in the doorway the whole time with a totally dumbfounded look on his face, unsure of what to do but also thoroughly enjoying himself. When we seemed done he immediately exclaimed "That was AWESOME!!!" Haha, glad we could offer you some entertainment, Owen.

And now for the holidays. I'll just get right to it--I am a TOTAL sucker for Christmas. I love the songs, the decorations, the lights, the idea of having the "Christmas spirit", and even the rampant consumerism and forgetfulness of the actual meaning of the holiday. It's all just a lovely melange of good feelings and stupid traditions, and I fall for it every year. So yes, I've already got my little multi-colored fiber optic tree up in my apartment, and I even bought some pretty iridescent lights and hung them up around my living room window. I'm sitting beneath them right now, and just glancing at them makes me smile; I can't wait to drive around after Thanksgiving, drink hot toddies and look at Christmas lights. Last night, in one of the more hilarious moments, Owen and I discovered our mutual appreciation for cheesy Christmas carols, and I brought out my laptop and blasted such classics as Home for the Holidays, Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, and The Most Wonderful Time of the Year, and we both knew all the lyrics and sang along like idiots--it was magical. I almost wish someone had called in a noise complaint so we could have been busted for excessive Christmas spirit--it would have been well worth it, and of course we wouldn't have had to pay the fine due to some sudden whimsical Christmas miracle.

Happy holidays everybody, and I highly recommend that you try and spread a little of that cheer if possible. It's good for the heart.

And now for something completely different

This is just a random exercise in creative writing since I couldn't get into that class this semester. Bear with me, and sorry if it sucks. I think it's kinda cool, though.

Driving to work was always a time for reflection and enthused sing-alongs, when she would croon with her favorite bands and imagine she had a halfway-decent singing voice, losing herself in a fantasy world of rock and roll stardom. Occasionally she spared a thought for those in the cars around her, wondering if they noticed her mid-song—mouth shaped into a perfect O and brow furrowed in an emotional cry—but this line of thought never went far and always ended with her lips curving into a smile, defying the other drivers to judge her. A certain song that always inspired a desire to smoke was next on her iPod, and she began fishing through her purse for her pink and white lighter and menthol cigarettes. She rolled her window down a crack, letting in a quick gust of cool fall air and grasped the cigarette between her lips. Quickly taking her eyes off the road she lit up, blowing out a thin plume of blue-grey smoke through her plump, puckered mouth. Though she never truly relished or craved smoking as much as her friends did, she had to admit the cigarette was calming, and the lingering taste of mint from the menthol was pleasant on the back of her tongue. She would quit soon, but not just yet. She drove along only half-conscious of her surroundings—she was so used to this route, she could follow it in her sleep. However, today as she climbed a hill nearby to her intended destination she was presented with an unexpectedly beautiful sight—the downtown skyline. Normally she saw it as a simple collection of glass, concrete, and brick; a haven for bankers and cubicle-dwellers going about their mundane business dealings, a representation of a life she never wanted to lead. But today, she crested a hill just as the sun was on that particular point of its descent when the rosy-gold rays of early evening glinted off of the glass buildings, creating a surreal beauty that emanated from the urban jungle. The rapidly fading blue sky created a bright, crisp background, with only a few wispy mares’ tail clouds gracefully dusting the stratosphere in soft hues of pink and silver. In the dusky half-light she was momentarily dazzled, her dark brown eyes appearing slightly golden against the glow as she took a sharp intake of the cold air and felt a surge of delight and inspiration. She allowed herself to temporarily forget her normally bitter view of all things corporate, and felt a new love and appreciation for her city. Though this short-lived burst of joy would soon be dashed upon entering into the drab parking garage opposite her workplace and preparing for reality, she smiled once more and decided that sudden, simple moments such as these, free from care and filled with unexpected beauty, were what she needed every once in a while to make the constant weight of her obligations seem temporarily lighter than a feather.